I can’t remember what stories I’ve told here and which ones I haven’t. After 13 years and 3700 plus stories it starts to blend together. We’ll try it regardless. I went to the University of Alabama. I pledged Sigma Chi but my friends and family said I should go through rush to see the other fraternities and not base it on a good party. (It was a good party). So I went through rush and chose Pi Kappa Phi because they had some northern people in the house and they were Fraternity sports champs every year. Another marketing trick I fell for is they brought in the best looking girlfriends of the brothers and littered the house with incredible looking women. I switched allegiances.
Once I pledged the brothers weren’t quite as nice. Nice enough to not get me to quit but this was 90s fraternity ,and hazing was in full force. And southern hazing. None of this east coast bullshit where they make you drink. Drinking was a dangerous game. Never forced anyone to drink. But the physical part was relentless. I could write for days all the crazy stuff I had to do. I could tell a lot of it was passed down from the military. There were a few times I had to dig a giant hole in the back yard of the fraternity house. Once I dug it they came by and said “Great Job”. As I walked away they said “hey, hey, you can’t just leave a giant hole back here, that’s dangerous. Fill that thing back in” It was only when I saw Cool Hand Luke I realized where they got the idea.
Part of being a pledge was cleaning the house. We had a giant band room connected to the house. Literally a giant warehouse connected to the house where we would have mini concerts. We spent a ton of money on bands. Had one every home football game. No glass allowed, only cans. Can’t have someone cutting themselves on broken glass. So hundreds of brothers would bring a date and a cooler and dance on the coolers and watch a band from 10 pm to 2 am every weekend of a home game and some times would do that Friday AND Saturday. I know it sounds like a lot of money but pool up money from 150 guys and $40 each gets you a whole weekend of drinking and dancing. As a pledge it was a little more work though.
At 3 am it was time to clean the band room. Covered in band spunk as we called it. Beer and Lord knows what else. Thousands of cans. As I would throw the cans away I noticed there were some guys that were waiting to take the cans to recycle. So I offered them something. I told them if they clean up that room they could have all the cans in the whole room. It was only cans and not much else because we didn’t let anyone smoke in there (some did of course) and no bottles. That guy brought a few friends the next weekend and cleaned the whole band room while me and a few pledges kept drinking with our dates.
When the brothers came out and saw 5 black men cleaning the floor and taking out the bags, and we’re sitting there with girls they were less than amused. They knew me well enough to come up to me. “Cultra, is think your fucking brilliant Tom Sawyer move?” I hadn’t read Tom Sawyer at that point but read the paint the fence with friends part later in life. I stupidly said “You wanted us to clean the band room and we’re getting it cleaned” He responded with something like “You going to hire the fucking Merry Maids to clean the house next?” The brothers let the guys finish cleaning and get the cans and then took me into the study room and made me jump up and stick a pencil in the ceiling and then I would have to jump up and pull it out. over and over and over and over. I had to do that for an hour. Approximately the same amount of time it would take to clean the band room. What happened to my date you ask? She sat and drank and watched TV until I was done. Great girl, not my wife though so that’s where this story ends. Me with a good story for life and a story my brothers still laugh about 30 years later.
Domain of the Day: TokenSwap.org
Quote of the Day: “Stupidity is infinitely more fascinating than intelligence. Intelligence has its limits, while stupidity has none.” – Claude Chabrol
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