In a story that seems it was written by The Onion, SeaCoastOnline had a pretty good story about Bob Ely. Ely is running for President but really doesn’t want the job. He’s merely running because “it dawned on me. If Michele Bachmann can run for president, I can, too.” He said he got tired of complaining and moaning and decided to do something about it. He’s a lifelong independent who had to choose “between the lesser of two idiots” and “held his nose” while declaring as a Democrat. While he has a more detailed platform he can explain it in a few words, “spend like a Republican and tax like a Democrat” And he has. He’s already spent $200,000 of his own money on his campaign. Money to this point that hasn’t gotten him one bit of attention. Even the paper, New Hampshire’s largest, with whom he spent that much of $200,000, never called for an interview. Even his small local paper never contacted Ely despite having a Presidential candidate a few miles away.
On Tuesday, he’ll be listed as a Democratic candidate on New Hampshire’s presidential primary ballot, and if all goes as expected, he expects for his campaign to be done on Wednesday. In the meantime, he is using the domain workmorekeepless.com to showcase his campaign and in my opinion it’s a thing of beauty. Here are his two dozen reasons Ely lists as reasons to vote for him and I encourage you to read them. Not because I necessarily support them (I don’t), but because they are interesting , at times entertaining, and I always enjoy the prose of someone that cares.
|1. If You’re Unemployed, I’ll Get You a Job THAT You Might Not Like||8. My Neighbors Won’t Like Me||18. I Have Many Detractors|
|2. I Want to Make it Easier for You To Get Fired||9. I don’t blame Republicans||19. I’m Inexperienced|
|3. I Will Raise Taxes on the Wealthy and Maybe the Not So Wealthy||10. I’m a Shabby Democrat||20. Rhodes Scholar, Decorated Veteran, Paragon of Virtue|
|4. I’ll Dream Up Lots of Other Taxes||11. I Won’t Eat Your Rubber Chicken …||21. My Dashing Good Looks?|
|5. I will cut the defense budget||12. I Don’t Blame the Big Bad Banks||22. I Won’t Friend You on Facebook|
|6. I will slash all other spending||13. I Don’t Blame China||23. Boxers or Briefs|
|7. But I Will Find A Way to Give All Those Under 65 Basic (Read – Not Great) Health Insurance||14. But I Will Raise Tariffs Which Might Piss Off China and Some Other Trading “Partners”||24. I’ve Told a Big Lie|
|15. I Support Immigration, Including, [GASP], Amnesty|
|16. I Really Will Close Guantanamo|
|17. Beyond That, I Won’t Spend Time on Many Issues That Are Important to You|
In his typical fashion, Ely describes his campaign best. In his own words “There’s always “hope and change.” If you want to believe in that pixie dust, vote for someone else. Vote for me if you’re willing to suffer some real pain now – hence my plan for a safety net of jobs and basic health insurance – so that there can be a tomorrow. It won’t be fun but at least your children might visit you in the nursing home”.
Photo courtesy of SeaCoastOnline.com