Self Proclaimed “Jerk”, Bob Ely is Running For President and Using the Domain “”

Jan 08 2012

Bob Ely photo courtesy of SeaCoastOnlineIn a story that seems it was written by The Onion, SeaCoastOnline had a pretty good story about Bob Ely.  Ely is running for President but really doesn’t want the job.  He’s merely running because “it dawned on me. If Michele Bachmann can run for president, I can, too.”  He said he got tired of complaining and moaning and decided to do something about it.  He’s a lifelong independent who had to choose “between the lesser of two idiots” and “held his nose” while declaring as a Democrat. While he has a more detailed platform he can explain it in a few words,  “spend like a Republican and tax like a Democrat” And he has.  He’s already spent $200,000 of his own money on his campaign.  Money to this point that hasn’t gotten him one bit of attention. Even the paper, New Hampshire’s largest,  with whom he spent that much of $200,000,  never called for an interview. Even his small local paper never contacted Ely despite having a Presidential candidate a few miles away.

On Tuesday, he’ll be listed as a Democratic candidate on New Hampshire’s presidential primary ballot, and if all goes as expected, he expects for his campaign to be done on Wednesday.  In the meantime, he is using the domain to showcase his campaign and in my opinion it’s a thing of beauty.  Here are his two dozen reasons Ely lists as reasons to vote for him and I encourage you to read them.  Not because I necessarily support them (I don’t), but because they are interesting , at times entertaining, and I always enjoy the prose of someone that cares.

1. If You’re Unemployed, I’ll Get You a Job THAT You Might Not Like 8. My Neighbors Won’t Like Me 18. I Have Many Detractors
2. I Want to Make it Easier for You To Get Fired 9. I don’t blame Republicans 19. I’m Inexperienced
3. I Will Raise Taxes on the Wealthy and Maybe the Not So Wealthy 10. I’m a Shabby Democrat 20. Rhodes Scholar, Decorated Veteran, Paragon of Virtue
4. I’ll Dream Up Lots of Other Taxes 11. I Won’t Eat Your Rubber Chicken … 21. My Dashing Good Looks?
5. I will cut the defense budget 12. I Don’t Blame the Big Bad Banks 22. I Won’t Friend You on Facebook
6. I will slash all other spending 13. I Don’t Blame China 23. Boxers or Briefs
7. But I Will Find A Way to Give All Those Under 65 Basic (Read – Not Great) Health Insurance 14. But I Will Raise Tariffs Which Might Piss Off China and Some Other Trading “Partners” 24. I’ve Told a Big Lie
15. I Support Immigration, Including, [GASP], Amnesty
16. I Really Will Close Guantanamo
17. Beyond That, I Won’t Spend Time on Many Issues That Are Important to You

In his typical fashion, Ely describes his campaign best. In his own words “There’s always “hope and change.” If you want to believe in that pixie dust, vote for someone else. Vote for me if you’re willing to suffer some real pain now – hence my plan for a safety net of jobs and basic health insurance – so that there can be a tomorrow. It won’t be fun but at least your children might visit you in the nursing home”.

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Outsmarting the Dumb, Outworking the Smart

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  1. Trico

    “Here are his two dozen reasons Ely lists as reasons to vote for him…”


    He actually wrote here are two dozen reasons NOT to vote for him.


    “Before you consider my candidacy, read TWO DOZEN GOOD REASONS NOT TO VOTE FOR ME.”

    “In a story that seems it was written by The Onion, SeaCoastOnline had a pretty good story about Bob Ely.”

    Ely might refer to himself as a “Jerk” but he’s no goof-off.

    Reading thru his site, I found his commentary quite thoughtful.

    “I feel like I’m watching a slow motion car wreck that I have an obligation –you do, too – to attempt to stop, even if the chances for success are slim.”

    “I’m angry and scared

    * that we’re in such a mess

    * that the people who got us in this mess are still getting paid handsomely

    * that most politicians care only about power and getting re-elected.”

    “Cutting spending is hard – because…the money is spent on you. Yep, YOU. Cutting spending means giving you less.

    You probably won’t like that. You certainly won’t like the person that does that to you. And that’s why no one in Washington can do it. Politicians need to be loved.”

  2. TC R

    the author need to re-read Ely’s site, those are reasons to NOT vote for him, in his words. but if you dig deeper, this guy shares a lot of the same feelings many of us have about this country

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