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Press Release: Shane Is NOT Going to Die

Shane Cultra announced today that despite rumors of the contrary,  he is officially not going to die.  Over the past 48 hours there have been Internet rumblings and bulletin board posts regarding his long term health.  His portfolio and his blog are not going to be “first come,  first serve” and his wife has NOT started to look for a new Father for their child.   There have been various false stories floating around about his fatal sickness being caused by

1. Underwater lap dancing in the Grotto

2. Bad sushi at the Playboy mansion

3. DK and his wife from PurposeInc introducing some genetically modified super strain of flu from SoCal during their lunch together

4. Bob Parsons earring being so big that it changed the light waves and killed off all beneficial bacteria, leaving only the flu strain in the room

5. Some ridiculous theory about lack of sleep

6. He fought with a girl after the Playboy party and she stuck him with a needle (He wasn’t even around then and he’s been professionally trained in needle defense)

7. He and Adam Strong got some bad syringes when they started their steroids program to bulk up for the mansion party

All of these rumors have been proven to be false and Shane was able to conduct some business and make some phone calls, dispelling the rumors his wife was pulling a “weekend at Bernie’s” in order to keep receiving his nursery paychecks.  Tomorrow Shane will make his first public appearance and asks that all paparazzi and press give him the space and privacy needed during these tough times.  If you do not recognize him he will be the one wearing the Michael Jackson mask as he has several interviews with perspective employees and is trying to avoid giving them the Grotto flu cold that he’s picked up.

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7 Replies to “Press Release: Shane Is NOT Going to Die”

  1. Just because you keep claiming it didn’t happen, doesn’t mean it didn’t.

    Next time may I suggest they hold DomainFest in VEGAS!

    That away everyone will be safe.

  2. Domain conference at vegas for a reasonable price of around 500 dollars would definitely pull the crowds.
    The chick mix might also be better for the average domainer since most of the girls at playboy are looking for celebs or rich sugardaddies and more space between domainers would lessen the nerdyism I encounter every year.

    Everytime I’m kissing a girl the domainers near me go crazy “wow you are really kissing her” and “want to look at my 25k a month stats” and “she really wants to go with you. I can’t believe it” are some of the comments I have heard and they really creep me out and obviously creep out the girls too.

    If you believe kissing beautiful girls is normal then it is normal and the girls feel normal too.
    If you believe kissing beautiful girls is abnormal then it is abnormal and the girls feel abnormal too.

    Don’t make your fellow domainers life more difficult by acting like a total nerd.
    Thank You.

  3. I am just really glad that you did not:

    1. Cross out Grotto flu, and replace it with dk flu.
    2. Put the term grotto flu anywhere close in the document to references to me or my wife.

    I am sure though that Google has now permanently linked semantically grotto-flu and PurposeInc.

    Really was a great week. 🙂

    My wife and I are still not convinced that we are not going to die.

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